Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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