I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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