Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
