As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
