I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
