I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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