I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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