yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
