I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
