Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
