you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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