so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
