I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
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Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
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So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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