Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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