Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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