My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
