Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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