You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
