So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
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It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
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i need to put some appletini on your dick
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize