when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
