Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
