It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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