Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
