I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
