So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
