How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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