True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
