I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
