yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
