sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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