Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
