is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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