I swear she didn't look like that last week.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
