I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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