I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
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She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
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There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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