Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
