Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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