dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
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