So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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