I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
