Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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