Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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