the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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