I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
