The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
