Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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