what if every blade of grass was a penis?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
