??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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