Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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