Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize