Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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