Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
