whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
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