YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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