Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
about cumming, not toast
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year