If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
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Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
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Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.