last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.