just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
19 Movie Extras Reveal What It’s Like To Work With Celebrities
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??