I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I don't deserve a penis
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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