Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
