Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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