porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
