so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
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Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
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It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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