apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
