How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
barbara walters just said penis...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
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