if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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