cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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