Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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