WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
