i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
